FEAR AND THE TEMPTATION TO LIFE
i felt a little bit rebellious
i didn't put my seatbelt on
i drove a long ways ... i was a little bit nervous... careful... i watched the cars and stayed in my lane
drving on a dark curvey road, i didn't want to be too risky.
I put my seltbelt on. Ahhh, that feel's better. More comfortable. In tact.
most cars go around me
i stay in my middle lane... move to the right... speed up a little
too many cars passing me
my dad didn't wear his seatbelt once
...got in a wreck
...broke his neck
...ruined his life
...can't hardly walk still
...constant pain... can't hardly turn his neck...
(can't hardly talk either - but he never really could)
it hurts to see him... he gave me a watch recently...
called and said he had about 10 and wanted to know if i wanted one
i said "sure"
i'm wearing it now
"X Alert!" ..."KA Band!" - my radar dectector speaks to me... i hit the brakes - don't see any cops
cars are passing me still - i've got my seatbelt on
i move to the right lane
i got pulled over once
one freaking day when i didn't have my radar detector
a friendly cop pulled me over
- he told me to turn around and put my hands behind my back
he snapped metal handcuffs onto my wrists
he put me in his car
we left my car on the side of the road - highway 290
he took me to jail -
he left - i haven't seen him since.
he said, "too bad... you seem like a nice guy"
(my license was expired or something - i totally didn't know it...
some glitch in the mailing system...
my fault.
my problem.)
they frisked me
they signed me in and took my stuff in my pockets
they took away my shoes
they put me in a cold concrete holding room
with other guys - who were bad too
they gave me a blanket. there was a small plastic window
you could see the cops doing stuff
they couldn't hear you
everybody was depressed
i drive slow
i watch for cops
i wear my watch
i started to not wear my seatbelt driving to work today
i wanted to be risky - and a bit defiant
i snapped it on after a few miles
i kind of enjoyed it though - i was awake a little bit
i went back to sleep - finished my drive to work
i was awake for a little bit though
anxious - but awake
careful - but living
i think a seatbelt is a false security
- it probably shouldn't be a law
- you can get pulled over for not wearing one
i am a pussy
i'm wearing my watch though
...in case i ever need to know what time it is
.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
TOYS ruin your brain !!!
I knew it was good for me to talk to myself! YES!
Science now discovers that talking to yourself is not only good.... it is essential for a sound and disciplined mind and life.
Read or listen to the NPR report - "Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills".
"Permitting and encouraging children to be verbally active — to speak to themselves while engaged in challenging tasks — fosters concentration, effort, problem-solving, and task success." — Alix Spiegel
Damn.... no wonder all these adults I work with can't stay concentrated in a dialogue for more than a minute.... TOYS actually ruins your brain!
Damn that consumeristic Mickey Mouse pig!
Like my 4 year old nephew said so succinctly to me once when I pointed out to him the cute giant cartoonish moosehead hanging on the wall (for whatever the hell reason) while I was walking him to his "Sunday School" class in church ----- "I hate him".
(good call Joe)
Science now discovers that talking to yourself is not only good.... it is essential for a sound and disciplined mind and life.
Read or listen to the NPR report - "Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills".
"Permitting and encouraging children to be verbally active — to speak to themselves while engaged in challenging tasks — fosters concentration, effort, problem-solving, and task success." — Alix Spiegel
Damn.... no wonder all these adults I work with can't stay concentrated in a dialogue for more than a minute.... TOYS actually ruins your brain!
Damn that consumeristic Mickey Mouse pig!
Like my 4 year old nephew said so succinctly to me once when I pointed out to him the cute giant cartoonish moosehead hanging on the wall (for whatever the hell reason) while I was walking him to his "Sunday School" class in church ----- "I hate him".
(good call Joe)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Devil and Daniel
Daniel Johnston is sort of an Austin icon that is still around making music and art and such. Someone did a documentary on him in 2005 that is interesting and worth watching, especially if you are interested in Austin culture. I think it was Nirvana's Kurt Cobain that sort of launched his art popularity wearing one of his famous "Hi, How Are You?" t-shirts that incidentally is sort of a landmark of graffitti at 21st and Guadalupe. Here's a little filmish thing he did that I liked.
Disclaimer on previous blog entries [for future character assassins, employers, lawyers, etc.] That stuff about Adena getting mad at me for driving off to go to Big Bend.... I was just kidding... that's all extremely exaggerated stuff. I pretty much lie about everything, so don't believe me.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Why Mitch Sanders is a Selfish Asshole
[My latest adventure (read prior post) was even a worse decision than I thought. When I came home I had to face my wife who wrote this list during the night and read it to me upon arrival the next day.]
Why Mitch Sanders is a Selfish Asshole:
1. Did not say goodbye or where he was going
2. Was intoxicated when he drove off
3. Phone was off, I did not know if he had been arrested, killed, in an accident
4. Put our Life as we know it at risk of destruction or in serious jeopardy - (DUI, accident..)
5. No regard for his wife who has had a Land Cruiser w/ "Big Bend" License plates for 10 years and has been dying to go but left her here to take care of responsibilities (Dogs, etc.) and unable to share the adventure w/ husband.
6. Causes me to question for the first time as to my husband's ability to make decisions. I have always trusted his wisdom.
7. I am in serious doubt as to whether he can drink (Obviously not).... Judgment impaired and is now becoming destructive.
8. I worked yesterday so we would have a nice weekend, only to most likely (because of bad judgment and drunkenness) to be left with what is! - no sleep, ill, anger.
9. In my panic and worry it was clear I am not prepared for Mitch's demise. Need to get all that in writing.
10. While worrying, I get up to check if he took his medication with him, concerned he would be coming off alcohol and his meds, no inhaler, probably sleeping in the cold, after getting over the flu last weekend and week, missing several days of work.
11. Got up again to see if tequila or beer was gone - tequila is gone. I can picture DUI and open bottle in truck and Mitch getting belligerent w/ an officer and that just goes on and on ! ... (shot, arrested, lose job, court costs, bail...)
Why Mitch Sanders is a Selfish Asshole:
1. Did not say goodbye or where he was going
2. Was intoxicated when he drove off
3. Phone was off, I did not know if he had been arrested, killed, in an accident
4. Put our Life as we know it at risk of destruction or in serious jeopardy - (DUI, accident..)
5. No regard for his wife who has had a Land Cruiser w/ "Big Bend" License plates for 10 years and has been dying to go but left her here to take care of responsibilities (Dogs, etc.) and unable to share the adventure w/ husband.
6. Causes me to question for the first time as to my husband's ability to make decisions. I have always trusted his wisdom.
7. I am in serious doubt as to whether he can drink (Obviously not).... Judgment impaired and is now becoming destructive.
8. I worked yesterday so we would have a nice weekend, only to most likely (because of bad judgment and drunkenness) to be left with what is! - no sleep, ill, anger.
9. In my panic and worry it was clear I am not prepared for Mitch's demise. Need to get all that in writing.
10. While worrying, I get up to check if he took his medication with him, concerned he would be coming off alcohol and his meds, no inhaler, probably sleeping in the cold, after getting over the flu last weekend and week, missing several days of work.
11. Got up again to see if tequila or beer was gone - tequila is gone. I can picture DUI and open bottle in truck and Mitch getting belligerent w/ an officer and that just goes on and on ! ... (shot, arrested, lose job, court costs, bail...)
Saturday, February 9, 2008
My Margarita and My White Trash Vacation
I made a new margarita drink. Three shots of "white" tequila 100% agave and a shot of Contreau. I'm calling it a "3 amigos" because it makes you do stupid things.
So I had me a "3 Amigos" yesterday while visiting with my wife, Johnny 'O', and River Rose. I get this great idea of let's all drive down to Big Bend for the weekend. We could leave about 3:30 in the morning and throw in all our camping equipment and take off. It's about 11:00 pm and Big Bend National Park is about 10 hours away - somewhere out in absolute desolate isolation from all civilization.
The girls don't really think its a great idea and would require more preparation.
But I say, "Heck ... I'm gonna do it." I throw some snacks and tequila into the truck along with all the camping gear I can find. Standing by my truck, trying to decide if I'm actually going to do it, I decide, "Yes" and hollar down to my wife "I'm really thinking about doing it."
She mumbles something about how the dog would enjoy an adventure and turns off the light and goes to bed.
I jump in my truck and head out. It's about 12 midnight.
It's great fun. Playing "Ray Wylie Hubbard on the radio" like Hank Williams Jr. says in his song.
Two hours later I pull over with all the semi-trucks and curl up in the seat of my truck to sleep.
As I'm getting cold and miserable lying there in my truck, I start questioning my judgement.
By 7:30 AM I've pretty much decided "this may not be such a great idea". I call my wife and let her know where I'm at and I've decided to come back.
She sleepily restates, "So you're somewhere outside Kerrville and you're coming back. OK."
(So much for having a "3 Amigos" and deciding on big adventures in the middle of the night.)
So I had me a "3 Amigos" yesterday while visiting with my wife, Johnny 'O', and River Rose. I get this great idea of let's all drive down to Big Bend for the weekend. We could leave about 3:30 in the morning and throw in all our camping equipment and take off. It's about 11:00 pm and Big Bend National Park is about 10 hours away - somewhere out in absolute desolate isolation from all civilization.
The girls don't really think its a great idea and would require more preparation.
But I say, "Heck ... I'm gonna do it." I throw some snacks and tequila into the truck along with all the camping gear I can find. Standing by my truck, trying to decide if I'm actually going to do it, I decide, "Yes" and hollar down to my wife "I'm really thinking about doing it."
She mumbles something about how the dog would enjoy an adventure and turns off the light and goes to bed.
I jump in my truck and head out. It's about 12 midnight.
It's great fun. Playing "Ray Wylie Hubbard on the radio" like Hank Williams Jr. says in his song.
Two hours later I pull over with all the semi-trucks and curl up in the seat of my truck to sleep.
As I'm getting cold and miserable lying there in my truck, I start questioning my judgement.
By 7:30 AM I've pretty much decided "this may not be such a great idea". I call my wife and let her know where I'm at and I've decided to come back.
She sleepily restates, "So you're somewhere outside Kerrville and you're coming back. OK."
(So much for having a "3 Amigos" and deciding on big adventures in the middle of the night.)
Friday, January 25, 2008
Adena-rita Margaritas - over 1800 served!
Well Adena and I collected up our stash of Topo Chico bottles that we've accumulated over the last couple of years and we counted them as we loaded them into the truck.
680 bottles!
We added the 100 bottles left on my Topo Chico tree (remind me to post a picture) and estimated about 120 bottles over the couple of years that went to actual trash.
Count:
680 + 100 + 120 = 900 bottles
900 bottles / 2 margaritas per bottle = 1800 margaritas
Total Adena-rita Margaritas served: 1800 !!!
We call them "Adena-ritas" because of our special mixture and the very special top secret ingrediant - Topo-Chico. Shhhhhhhhhh ... don't tell anybody... they've been bottling it since 1895. Everyone in Mexico pretty much knows its the best mineral water you can buy.
We're pretty famous for our "Adena-ritas" in the neighborhood, Wimberley and Austin and even get special guests traveling in for them from as far as Illinois and the Czech-Republic.
Stop by any time and try one. You'll never go back to plain margaritas again.
:)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
this morning I was born again
I read a book - "The Secret Life of the Soul" by Keith Miller. In it he shares how he learned to pray daily, listening to God and writing down whatever thoughts come to him during that time.
I thought I'd try that. I did this morning and here's the results:
Don't be trite with me
Breathing is good
Hear your breath
Long black veil
(Hearing drum patterns in rain on roof)
I can hear my neck bones turn
I hear emptiness
A man who doesn't control his breath, doesn't control any part of himself
I've never heard the sound of a pen writing on paper before (you gotta listen carefully)
There is a sound to silence, but I can't tell if it’s just in my head or my eardrums, kinda like the sound you hear in a shell
I think part of it is the little hum coming out of the refrigerator
I'm gonna start praying for people
The silence - I can't turn it off
I wonder if that's what the grave is like
Ahhhh... the refrigerator fan kicked on
It's nice to hear something
I wonder if people would just rather hear something over nothing?
Sure they would
False belief is still belief
A tongue licking in the air (dog)
You sense nothing, so you start licking yourself (dog again)
This morning I was born again (song lyric from Ray Wylie Hubbard)
My sheep hear my voice
I'm listening with my heart
And I hear nothing
I hear some things - my breathing and a hum in the air
So hearing is just a metaphor
I'll try and taste for God
My tongue is numb
I taste coffee
I bet I look pretty stupid with my mouth open and my tongue out
"Taste and see that the Lord is good"
Stomach growls.. bird outside.. roof creaks ... stomach growls
Ok see if I can see Him
Arms are cold
Smell Him; see if I can smell Him
Smells like air
Well, I've run out of senses
One more: The seeing-hearing-feeling-tasting-smelling
Do it longer than just hearing my own voice
I poured myself another cup of coffee, turned off the bed lamp and watched the light of early dawn fade into being
Hoping to see hear feel taste or smell God still
I went back to sleep and dreamed that I could float. I was in church and was amazed that others weren’t amazed. I can float. It is an amazing, beautiful, glorious feeling. It feels like flying. I love the feeling of it. Joy fills my soul.
And I now others watch me, but they are not impressed much. Still I show them. I fly - float - suspend myself. I laugh and enjoy the experience as I slowly drift to the floor with the ability to push off again and hold myself in mid air for long moments.
I wake up.
I've had these dreams often lately. And each time is seems like I am better and better at pushing off into the air and staying adrift for longer and longer periods. I don't know if its good but it sure feels good.
I thought I'd try that. I did this morning and here's the results:
Don't be trite with me
Breathing is good
Hear your breath
Long black veil
(Hearing drum patterns in rain on roof)
I can hear my neck bones turn
I hear emptiness
A man who doesn't control his breath, doesn't control any part of himself
I've never heard the sound of a pen writing on paper before (you gotta listen carefully)
There is a sound to silence, but I can't tell if it’s just in my head or my eardrums, kinda like the sound you hear in a shell
I think part of it is the little hum coming out of the refrigerator
I'm gonna start praying for people
I don't believe in you anymore
That's too bad
What am I to do?
You tell me
Give up
The silence - I can't turn it off
I wonder if that's what the grave is like
Ahhhh... the refrigerator fan kicked on
It's nice to hear something
I wonder if people would just rather hear something over nothing?
Sure they would
False belief is still belief
A tongue licking in the air (dog)
You sense nothing, so you start licking yourself (dog again)
This morning I was born again (song lyric from Ray Wylie Hubbard)
My sheep hear my voice
I'm listening with my heart
And I hear nothing
I hear some things - my breathing and a hum in the air
So hearing is just a metaphor
I'll try and taste for God
My tongue is numb
I taste coffee
I bet I look pretty stupid with my mouth open and my tongue out
"Taste and see that the Lord is good"
Stomach growls.. bird outside.. roof creaks ... stomach growls
Ok see if I can see Him
Arms are cold
Smell Him; see if I can smell Him
Smells like air
Well, I've run out of senses
One more: The seeing-hearing-feeling-tasting-smelling
Do it longer than just hearing my own voice
I poured myself another cup of coffee, turned off the bed lamp and watched the light of early dawn fade into being
Hoping to see hear feel taste or smell God still
I went back to sleep and dreamed that I could float. I was in church and was amazed that others weren’t amazed. I can float. It is an amazing, beautiful, glorious feeling. It feels like flying. I love the feeling of it. Joy fills my soul.
And I now others watch me, but they are not impressed much. Still I show them. I fly - float - suspend myself. I laugh and enjoy the experience as I slowly drift to the floor with the ability to push off again and hold myself in mid air for long moments.
I wake up.
I've had these dreams often lately. And each time is seems like I am better and better at pushing off into the air and staying adrift for longer and longer periods. I don't know if its good but it sure feels good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)