Can I be completely honest with myself and still be a Christian?

Maybe. Maybe not. I'm willing to see.

For a starter, I have to establish this first logical conclusion below:

Let's face it. Nothing in this world shows us that there is a God. You can go outside, look at the sun, moon, and stars - and the trees, rocks and streams - nothing objectively allows one person to point and another person to see and say, "Ah, yes. There is a personality like mine but that is all-powerful. And He (She? It?) must be the maker of all this."

Because there IS a "thing", does not neccessarily mean some other "thing" made that thing. Some things just exist. And they change and move and alter chemical make-ups or are born and die and move through time.

I pick up a rock. Nobody made it. It just is. It came from other rocks that came from molten chemicals maybe from some other day and age from way back. Or maybe not. But wind and rain and myself and animals and pressure and dirt and air and other things have changed this rock from who knows how long back? I can't tell. But because this rock exists, I can not justifiably build a mental construction of a divine being that sits above me making these kinds of things. I mean I can construe this, but in all honesty that's not a fair conjecture. It's a conjecture of choice and more fairly, a conjecture of imagination and will. Or even faith.

So, (in contrast to what intelligent design advocates say) one cannot step out into the world and point and say to someone else "See. God exists." and logically and necessarily expect agreement.

[I am purposely using a semiotic triangle of pointing and communicating between two people in an intersubjective manner ala Walker Percy to avoid the purely subjective conclusion-making inferences that anyone can make about most anything to oneself. We're trying to stay in the realm of the rational and communicable]

Let's face it. This is the truth.

The opposite also is true.

You cannot step out into the world and point and see and say, "See. There is no God."

The world itself is a big floating rock ...with growth and life and chemical reactions and things happening upon it over time. We are people upon this rock. We are aware of ourselves. We are aware we came from somewhere or something or someone. We do not know for sure what or where or who that someone or something is. We do not even know for sure that there is a someone or something out there. We may just be chemical processes that have gelled together and formed some sort of awareness and self-awareness as an anomaly to this bio-chemical world of animals and plants and growth and cycles of events that can occur upon a rock floating in space over time.

We really don't know and we really can't tell by standing up and looking around and trying to find the obvious.

It is not obvious.

Let's face it.

It is not obvious.

We do not know.

From this angle, starting from and with ourselves and our senses and the obvious world around us, it is not obvious where or how we came to be here. We do not know that there is a being with consciousness, and knowledge and forethought and creation-ability power that has made us who and what we are as beings and placed us upon this rock planet that we who speak English call earth.

It's just not obvious.

This is a big hurdle for me and a major stopping and starting point that I have to swallow hard several times before I can keep it down.

I'm still swallowing it ... so give me some time. But I am convinced that any intelligent, thoughtful, honest person has to agree with me on this point.

Any nay-sayers? If not then, I'll go on....